


Difference

by BaronessEmma



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, First Kiss, Post IM 1, Pre-IM 2, Sorta kinda romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 07:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3561791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaronessEmma/pseuds/BaronessEmma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never realized how different they were. She never realized how different they weren't. Until one "ordinary" day, they never realized that differences are normal. . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Difference

The roar of the Suit dimmed in Tony's ears. The sound of his own breathing echoed through the helmet as acceleration took over and all noise bled away into his wake. It was amazing how quiet everything was at super-sonic speeds. Looking down at the wide, wide expanse of the Pacific; that blue dotted with white and green and veined with richer blue, domed over with bright, beautiful sky-blue, Tony found he wanted to think. . .

There was a difference, he knew, between a _mate_ and a _soul mate_.

He checked his heads-up-display, and slightly adjusted the right stabilizer to compensate for a sudden change in the wind.

Having only recently begun to care about souls in general (and his own in particular), it had actually shocked him to discover how much he _did_ know about relationships - how much he had absorbed, apparently, from his parents and those around him during his (albeit brief) childhood.

How much he had learned in his tragically short time with Yinsen. . .

How much, in actual shocking fact, the whole mess with Obadiah had _helped_. . .

How much these missions as Iron Man were no longer just a vendetta-charged excuse to show off. . .

He lowered the Suit's altitude by exactly 5,000 feet. The jet-stream had decided to be a bit tricky today - best not mess with it. As soon as he dropped out of the turbulent air, full silence returned, and the soul-piercing _vastness_ of the world's biggest ocean returned to overwhelm him.

It really was pitiful, he mused, the amount of time he had for _thinking_ during these missions.

And it was outright _pathetic_ how much he found himself craving that time.

Jetting off to Guam to help a U.S. tanker ship that had sent out a distress call, and then using his whiz-kid-engineer brain to get the tanker's engines back online in record time, were not the sort of things he had planned on doing once he had attained superhero status.

Neither were _wanting_ to think deep and esoteric thoughts, nor _seriously_ considering other points of view than his own.

He shrugged inwardly - _Oh well, who's gonna know?. . ._

He wove through a bank of clouds hanging over a clustered knot of islands, and his mind was drawn irresistibly back to mates and soul mates. . .

The former, when taken at its most basic meaning, could refer to every single one of the casual liaisons he had racked up in his mad career as "The Da Vinci of our Time", but that was only the biological meaning of the word. "Mate" could also mean associate, friend, helper, or assistant.

 _Or wife_. . .

He wondered if "mate" was how his father had thought of his mother.

But, a _soul mate_. . . now, _there_ was a different term entirely. Someone who could be not just your friend and lover, but your _other half_? It smelled of predestination, and that was something he had never believed in. No, _everything_ in life was a choice, and _that_ was something he had believed even while in the midst of hedonism, and he believed it just as strongly today. Only his acknowledgment of consequences was new, and that, in fact, had _decreased_ his belief in the whole "soul mate" myth. One could find infinite numbers of "mates" but, he wondered, can one _ever_ find a soul mate? Was there ever just one person that was _meant_ to live with you for all eternity?

There was a difference between _being_ with and _living_ with, after all. . . _and_ a difference between not just _living_ with, but _growing_ with.

But _perfect_? Did that _ever_ happen? Could you even get _close_?

And was it possible to mess up what was _meant_ to be?

He cursed silently and resisted the urge to make a fist - he couldn't disrupt the stabilizer. . . but _why_ couldn't he even admit to himself that he was thinking of Pepper?

_Because she's too smart to fall for you, Stark, so suck it up._

There was a difference between _wanting_ and _needing_.

He still didn't know which one of them was which. Or if either of them were both.

Or none.

There was a difference between _love_ and _passion_ , and though he personally would have liked to mix the two ideals into one person, he didn't entertain any delusions of predestination or even hopes for a soul-mate.

There was a difference between what was genius and what was just dreams.

He smirked - _The charm of the uncaught is nothing to the charm of the uncatchable. . ._

There was a difference between what was _out_ of reach, and what could _never_ be reached.

He didn't know which one of them was either one of those, either.

A fuzzy gray line appeared at the juncture of blue and blue that was the horizon. Jarvis put his ETA on the head's-up-display. Fifteen minutes, and he'd be home.

Home. . .

Pepper would be there, of course. She was a good girl, and always waited for him when he had a mission, even one as low-threat as this one had been.

She would be waiting for him. . .

He sighed.

There was a difference between _waiting_ and _patience_.

* * *

She had gone down to the garage/workshop the minute Jarvis had announced that Tony was within ten minutes from arrival. She set up the first-aid kit and turned on the EKG machine in case he needed her to take his vitals. She shooed the 'bots away from his landing zone, and prepared the chemical/steam cleaning station so he could disinfect and clean up the Suit.

Then she sighed, sitting down on the black leather couch to wait for the now well-familiar hum of his rocket boots.

She ran a finger along the bridge of her nose, unable now, to keep herself from thinking.

There was a difference, Pepper knew, between _loyalty_ and _devotion_.

Tony could demand loyalty from nearly all of his employees - even _command_ it - because except for a billionaire's usual gamut of caprices and a very well supported amorous reputation, he was a good person, and people sensed that.

Even the major-weapons designing, "let's arm America to the teeth" Tony Stark had never really _wanted_ to hurt anyone.

It had only been Obadiah's jealousy and greed that had driven him to betray "The Merchant of Death" to his death. And it was only because Tony _wasn't_ "The Merchant of Death" that he _didn't_ die.

But devotion? Had he _ever_ experienced it? Had she, for that matter?

Pepper sighed again.

There was a difference between _caring_ and real _sacrifice_.

She knew that both of them cared - at different levels and about different things, of course - but she doubted highly that either one of them had yet really sacrificed the one thing that really mattered.

There was a difference between _personality_ and _identity_.

There was a difference between _hope_ and _trust_.

There was a difference between _need_ and. . . and. . . well. . . _love_.

Pepper didn't know if either of them were ready to think about that.

But it was gut-wrenchingly aggravating how much she _wanted_ to.

There was a difference between _alone_ and _loneliness_.

And there just wasn't any way to explain that to the one man who was a constant in her life. He had to come to it, and she didn't know if he would, or if he _could_. Was he lonely? Or merely alone?

What _had_ all those girls he'd bedded _meant_?

And what did their _absence_ mean _now_?

She heard the faintest roar in the distance - almost indiscernible over the crash of the breakers and the whistle of the afternoon wind, but to her hyper-sensitive ears it was unmistakable.

Iron Man was nearly home. . .

Pepper got up and began to pace, even though she knew the mission had been an easy one and she had not felt the least anxiety until just now. . .

There was a difference between _fear_ and _habit_ too. . .

He _had_ changed, she could feel it. Or at least he _wanted_ to. _Why_ couldn't she?

 _Because there is also a difference between_ _**making** _ _a difference, and_ _**being** _ _different._

Or at least _becoming_ different.

And sometimes she had no _idea_ what she wanted, much less what she wanted from him. Or _if_ she wanted him at all.

There was a difference between _acting_ like a wife, and being _treated_ like one.

The roar got louder, and Jarvis announced that Tony was coming in for a landing.

She stopped her pacing and walked over to his desk, to watch the 'bots remove the Suit, and wait to see if he needed her. Not because she wanted to, but because she _had_ to. . . _and_ wanted to.

There was a difference between _obligation_ and _duty_.

* * *

"Everything checks out, Mr. Stark," Pepper said, calmly taking his vitals and handing him an ice pack for the elbow he had slightly wrenched while wrestling with a malfunctioning tanker engine, "Nice to see you all in one piece for this one - no bullet holes is always a good sign."

"Sure," he grunted, "Too many more of these tenderfoot missions and I'll have to change my name to Flying Engineer Man."

"Tony!" she reprimanded sharply, "Stop it! You're being useful and helpful, and you're staying _safe_ , Tony. That's _important_."

"Yeah, well, just remember that I don't do too well on a steady diet of the same old same old. . ." he turned and pulled his shirt over his head.

"No", she whispered.

He wheeled around, "What?"

She coughed a little, "No, Tony, this isn't "the same" at all. . . it's different. . . it's. . . normal. . ."

"Normal?" he grinned a little, "Me? Us? Here? How can you possibly think _this_ is. . ."

She interrupted, _finally_ overflowing the bounds they had set for verbal give and take, "So maybe I'm used to it!" she said, half petulant, half exasperated, "So maybe I _like_ not having to chase some floozy out of the house every morning, and maybe I _admire_ the sentiment of what you're willing to do and where you're willing to go for a cause I am _sure_ you don't fully understand and _can't_ control. . . and. . . and _maybe_ I like the fact that you. . . try. . . to. . ." she stopped, _completely_ uncertain as to what would happen next.

"What, Pepper? What do I try to do?" He put a hand on her shoulder. Gently. Awkwardly. A question in his eyes that he couldn't voice because he had given up the right to make the first move, and he was terrified she never would.

Her hand came up and held his, not removing it, just holding it. For several seconds she stared fixedly at the collar of his shirt. Then, blushing and blinking, she stammered out -

"You. . . you _try_ to understand. . . you really do. . ."

Then she met his eyes, _really_ met them, _talked_ with them, and _listened_ to his look in return.

Neither one of them knew if the kiss was fast or slow, hard or soft, long, short, sweet or fierce, but one thing was for sure - there was nothing with which to compare to how different it was.

* * *

There is a difference between a man and a woman.

_Vive la différence._


End file.
